Tho’ much averse, dear Jack, to flicker,
To find a likeness for friend V—-ker,
I’ve made, thro’ earth, and air, and sea,
A voyage of discovery!
And let me add (to ward off strife)
For V—-kers, and for V—-kers’ wife–
She, large and round, beyond belief,
A superfluity of beef!
Her mind and body of a piece,
And both composed of kitchen-grease.
In short, dame Truth might safely dub her
Vulgarity enshrined in blubber!
He, meagre bit of littleness,
All snuff, and musk, and politesse;
So thin, that strip him of his clothing,
He’d totter on the edge of nothing!
In case of foe, he well might hide
Snug in the collops of her side.
Ah then, what simile will suit?
Spindle leg in great jack-boot?
Pismire crawling in a rut,
Or a spigot in a butt?
Thus I humm’d and ha’d awhile,
When Madam Memory, with a smile,
Thus touched my ear–‘Why sure, I ween,
In London streets thou oft hast seen
The very image of this pair:
A little ape, with huge she bear
Linked by hapless chain together:
An unlicked mass the one — the other
An antic huge with nimble crupper’–
But stop, my Muse! for here comes supper.
– Samuel Taylor Coleridge