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Augustus Glop! Augustus Gloop!

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‘Augustus Gloop! Augustus Gloop!
The great big greedy nincompoop!
How long could we allow this beast
To gorge and guzzle, feed and feast
On everything he wanted to?
Great Scott! It simply wouldn’t do!
However long this pig might live,
We’re positive he’d never give
Even the smallest bit of fun
Or happiness to anyone.
So what we do in cases such
As this, we use the gentle touch,
And carefully we take the brat
And turn him into something that
Will give great pleasure to us all–
A doll, for instance, or a ball,
Or marbles or a rocking horse.
But this revolting boy, of course,
Was so unutterably vile,
So greedy, foul, and infantile
He left a most disgusting taste
Inside our mouths, and so in haste
We chose a thing that, come what may,
Would take the nasty taste away.
‘Come on!’ we cried, ‘The time is ripe
To send him shooting up the pipe!
He has to go! It has to be!’
And very soon, he’s going to see
Inside the room to which he’s gone
Some funny things are going on.
But don’t, dear children, be alarmed;
Augustus Gloop will not be harmed,
Although, of course, we must admit
He will be altered quite a bit.
He’ll be quite changed from what he’s been,
When he goes through the fudge machine:
Slowly, the wheels go round and round,
The cogs begin to grind and pound;
A hundred knives go slice, slice, slice;
We add some sugar, cream, and spice;
We boil him for a minute more,
Until we’re absolutely sure
That all the greed and all the gall
Is boiled away for once and all.
Then out he comes! And now! By grace!
A miracle has taken place!
This boy, who only just before
Was loathed by men from shore to shore,
This greedy brute, this louse’s ear,
Is loved by people everywhere!
For who could hate or bear a grudge
Against a luscious bit of fudge?’

 

– Roald Dahl

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5th January – On This Day In History

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Born:

1965 Vinnie Jones (actor and footballer)

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Died:

1922 Ernest Shackleton (British polar explorer)

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On This Day:

1993 Oil tanker, MV Braer runs aground in the Shetlands, spilling approximately 85000 tons of crude oil.

Scotland - Shetland - Oil tanker Braer aground on rocks leaking 85,000 tons of crude oil

 

Have a good Thursday, 5th January

 

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On Death

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1.
Can death be sleep, when life is but a dream,
And scenes of bliss pass as a phantom by?
The transient pleasures as a vision seem,
And yet we think the greatest pain’s to die.

2.
How strange it is that man on earth should roam,
And lead a life of woe, but not forsake
His rugged path; nor dare he view alone
His future doom which is but to awake.

 

– John Keats

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18th October – On This Day In History

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Born:

1926 Chuck Berry (musician)

cb

 

Died:

1931 Thomas Edison (inventor of the light bulb and holder of around 1200 patents)

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On This Day:

1867 USA buys Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million

al

 

Have a good Tuesday, 18th October

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29th August – On This Day In History

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Born:

1915 Ingrid Bergman (actress)

ib

 

Died:

29 John The Baptist

4x5 original

 

On This Day:

1898 The formation of The Goodyear Company

 

gy

 

Have a good Monday, 29th August

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27th April – On This Day In History

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Born:

1791 Samuel Morse (inventor of the Morse Code)

sm

 

Died:

1521 Ferdinand Magellan (Portuguese explorer)

fm

 

On This Day:

1961 Sierra Leone declares its independence (from Britain)

sk

 

Have a good Wednesday, 27th April

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The Liner She’s A Lady

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The Liner she’s a lady, an’ she never looks nor ‘eeds —
The Man-o’-War’s ‘er ‘usband, an’ ‘e gives ‘er all she needs;
But, oh, the little cargo-boats, that sail the wet seas roun’,
They’re just the same as you an’ me a-plyin’ up an’ down!

Plyin’ up an’ down, Jenny, ‘angin’ round the Yard,
All the way by Fratton tram down to Portsmouth ‘Ard;
Anythin’ for business, an’ we’re growin’ old —
Plyin’ up an’ down, Jenny, waitin’ in the cold!

The Liner she’s a lady by the paint upon ‘er face,
An’ if she meets an accident they count it sore disgrace:
The Man-o’-War’s ‘er ‘usband, and ‘e’s always ‘andy by,
But, oh, the little cargo-boats! they’ve got to load or die.

The Liner she’s a lady, and ‘er route is cut an’ dried;
The Man-o’-War’s ‘er ‘usband, an’ ‘e always keeps beside;
But, oh, the little cargo-boats that ‘aven’t any man,
They’ve got to do their business first, and make the most they can!

The Liner she’s a lady, and if a war should come,
The Man-o’-War’s ‘er ‘usband, and ‘e’d bid ‘er stay at home;
But, oh, the little cargo-boats that fill with every tide!
‘E’d ‘ave to up an’ fight for them, for they are England’s pride.

The Liner she’s a lady, but if she wasn’t made,
There still would be the cargo-boats for ‘ome an’ foreign trade.
The Man-o’-War’s ‘er ‘usband, but if we wasn’t ‘ere,
‘E wouldn’t have to fight at all for ‘ome an’ friends so dear.

‘Ome an’ friends so dear, Jenny, ‘angin’ round the Yard,
All the way by Fratton tram down to Portsmouth ‘Ard;
Anythin’ for business, an’ we’re growin’ old —
‘Ome an’ friends so dear, Jenny, waitin’ in the cold!

 

– Rudyard Kipling

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