rudyard kipling

30th December – On This Day In History

Posted on Updated on

Born:

1865 Rudyard Kipling (author – Jungle Book)

rk

 

Died:

1970 Sonny Liston (boxer)

sl

 

On This Day:

1947 Romania declared a republic

rm

 

Have a good Sunday, 30th December

30th December – On This Day In History

Posted on Updated on

Born:

1865 Rudyard Kipling (author – Jungle Book)

rk

 

Died:

2006 Saddam Hussein (dictator of Iraq, hanged)

IRAQ SADDAM

 

On This Day:

1947 Romanian Republic proclaimed

rm

 

Have a good Saturday, 30th December

www.aromaticcoffees.co.uk

Please visit the above, and click out on a Google link – help me pay for the time it takes to makes these daily posts

The Liner She’s A Lady

Posted on Updated on

The Liner she’s a lady, an’ she never looks nor ‘eeds —
The Man-o’-War’s ‘er ‘usband, an’ ‘e gives ‘er all she needs;
But, oh, the little cargo-boats, that sail the wet seas roun’,
They’re just the same as you an’ me a-plyin’ up an’ down!

Plyin’ up an’ down, Jenny, ‘angin’ round the Yard,
All the way by Fratton tram down to Portsmouth ‘Ard;
Anythin’ for business, an’ we’re growin’ old —
Plyin’ up an’ down, Jenny, waitin’ in the cold!

The Liner she’s a lady by the paint upon ‘er face,
An’ if she meets an accident they count it sore disgrace:
The Man-o’-War’s ‘er ‘usband, and ‘e’s always ‘andy by,
But, oh, the little cargo-boats! they’ve got to load or die.

The Liner she’s a lady, and ‘er route is cut an’ dried;
The Man-o’-War’s ‘er ‘usband, an’ ‘e always keeps beside;
But, oh, the little cargo-boats that ‘aven’t any man,
They’ve got to do their business first, and make the most they can!

The Liner she’s a lady, and if a war should come,
The Man-o’-War’s ‘er ‘usband, and ‘e’d bid ‘er stay at home;
But, oh, the little cargo-boats that fill with every tide!
‘E’d ‘ave to up an’ fight for them, for they are England’s pride.

The Liner she’s a lady, but if she wasn’t made,
There still would be the cargo-boats for ‘ome an’ foreign trade.
The Man-o’-War’s ‘er ‘usband, but if we wasn’t ‘ere,
‘E wouldn’t have to fight at all for ‘ome an’ friends so dear.

‘Ome an’ friends so dear, Jenny, ‘angin’ round the Yard,
All the way by Fratton tram down to Portsmouth ‘Ard;
Anythin’ for business, an’ we’re growin’ old —
‘Ome an’ friends so dear, Jenny, waitin’ in the cold!

 

– Rudyard Kipling

http://www.aromaticcoffees.co.uk

a2

 

 

The City Of Sleep

Posted on Updated on

Over the edge of the purple down,
Where the single lamplight gleams,
Know ye the road to the Merciful Town
That is hard by the Sea of Dreams–
Where the poor may lay their wrongs away,
And the sick may forget to weep?
But we–pity us! Oh, pity us!
We wakeful; ah, pity us! —
We must go back with Policeman Day–
Back from the City of Sleep!

Weary they turn from the scroll and crown,
Fetter and prayer and plough–
They that go up to the Merciful Town,
For her gates are closing now.
It is their right in the Baths of Night
Body and soul to steep,
But we–pity us! ah, pity us!
We wakeful; oh, pity us!–
We must go back with Policeman Day–
Back from the City of Sleep!

Over the edge of the purple down,
Ere the tender dreams begin,
Look–we may look–at the Merciful Town,
But we may not enter in!
Outcasts all, from her guarded wall
Back to our watch we creep:
We–pity us! ah, pity us!
We wakeful; oh, pity us!–
We that go back with Policeman Day–
Back from the City of Sleep!

 

– Rudyard Kipling

http://www.aromaticcoffees.co.uk

a7

The Dawn Wind

Posted on Updated on

At two o’clock in the morning, if you open your window and
listen,
You will hear the feet of the Wind that is going to call the sun.
And the trees in the shadow rustle, and the trees in the moonlight
glisten,
And though it is deep, dark night, you feel that the night is
done.

So do the cows in the field. They graze for an hour and lie down,
Dozing and chewing the cud; or a bird in the ivy wakes,
Chirrups one note and is still, and the restless Wind stares on,
Fidgeting far down the road, till, softly, the darkness breaks.

Back comes the Wind full strength with a blow like an angel’s
wing,
Gentle but waking the world, as he shouts: “The Sun! The
Sun!”
And the light floods over the fields and the birds begin to sing,
And the Wind dies down in the grass. It is day and his work
is done.

So when the world is asleep, and there seems no hope of her
waking
Out of some long, bad dream that makes her mutter and moan,
Suddenly, all men arise to the noise of fetters breaking,
And every one smiles at his neighbor and tells him his soul is
his own!

 

– Rudyard Kipling

http://www.aromaticcoffees.co.uk

a6

The Coastwise Lights

Posted on Updated on

Our brows are bound with spindrift and the weed is on our knees;
Our loins are battered ‘neath us by the swinging, smoking seas.
From reef and rock and skerry — over headland, ness, and voe —
The Coastwise Lights of England watch the ships of England go!

Through the endless summer evenings, on the lineless, level floors;
Through the yelling Channel tempest when the siren hoots and roars —
By day the dipping house-flag and by night the rocket’s trail —
As the sheep that graze behind us so we know them where they hail.

We bridge across the dark and bid the helmsman have a care,
The flash that wheeling inland wakes his sleeping wife to prayer;
From our vexed eyries, head to gale, we bind in burning chains
The lover from the sea-rim drawn — his love in English lanes.

We greet the clippers wing-and-wing that race the Southern wool;
We warn the crawling cargo-tanks of Bremen, Leith, and Hull;
To each and all our equal lamp at peril of the sea —
The white wall-sided war-ships or the whalers of Dundee!

Come up, come in from Eastward, from the guardports of the Morn!
Beat up, beat in from Southerly, O gipsies of the Horn!
Swift shuttles of an Empire’s loom that weave us, main to main,
The Coastwise Lights of England give you welcome back again!

Go, get you gone up-Channel with the sea-crust on your plates;
Go, get you into London with the burden of your freights!
Haste, for they talk of Empire there, and say, if any seek,
The Lights of England sent you and by silence shall ye speak!

 

– Rudyard Kipling

http://www.aromaticcoffes.co.uk

Pigeon Point lighthouse USA, California, Big Sur

 

 

The Long Trail

Posted on Updated on

There’s a whisper down the field where the year has shot her yield,
And the ricks stand grey to the sun,
Singing: “Over then, come over, for the bee has quit the dover,
“And your English summer’s done.”
You have heard the beat of the off-shore wind,
And the thresh of the deep-sea rain;
You have heard the song — how long? how long?
Pull out on the trail again!
Ha’ done with the Tents of Shem, dear lass,
We’ve seen the seasons through,
And it’s time to turn the old trail, our own trail, the out trail,
Pull out, pull out, on the Long Trail-the trail that is always new!

It’s North you may run to the rime-ringed sun
Or South to the blind Hom’s hate;
Or East all the way into Mississippi Bay,
Or West to the Golden Gate —
Where the blindest bluffs hold good, dear lass,
And the wildest tales are true,
And the men bulk big on the old trail, our own trail, the out trail,
And life runs large on the Long Trail — the trail that is always new.

The days are sick and cold, and the skies are grey and old
And the twice-breathed airs blow damp;
And I’d sell my tired soul for the bucking beam-sea roll
Of a black Bilbao tramp,
With her load-line over her hatch, dear lass,
And a drunken Dago crew,
And her nose held down on the old trail, our own trail, the out trail
From Cadiz south on the Long Trail-the trail that is always new.

There be triple ways to take, of the eagle or the snake,
Or the way of a man with a maid;
But the sweetest way to me is a ship’s upon the sea
In the heel of the North-East Trade.
Can you hear the crash on her brows, dear lass.
And the drum of the racing screw,
As she ships it green on the old trail, our own trail, the out trail,
As she lifts and ‘scends on the Long Trail — the trail that is always new?

See the shaking funnels roar, with the Peter at the fore,
And the fenders grind and heave,
And the derricks clack and grate, as the tackle hooks the crate,
And the fall-rope whines through the sheave;
It’s “Gang-plank up and in,” dear lass,
It’s “Hawsers warp her through!”
And it’s “All clear aft” on the old trail, our own trail, the out trail,
We’re backing down on the Long Trail — the trail that is always new.

O the mutter overside, when the port-fog holds us tied,
And the sirens hoot their dread,
When foot by foot we creep o’er the hueless, viewless deep
To the sob of the questing lead!
It’s down by the Lower Hope, dear lass,
With the Grinfleet Sands in view,
Till the Mouse swings green on the old trail, our own trail, the out trail,
And the Gull Light lifts on the Long Trail — the trail that is always new.

O the blazing tropic night, when the wake’s a welt of light
That holds the hot sky tame,
And the steady fore-foot snores through the planet-powdered floors
Where the scared whale flukes in flame!
Her plates are flaked by the sun, dear lass
And her ropes are taut with the dew,
For we’re booming down on the old trail, our own trail, the out trail,
We’re sagging south on the Long Trail — the trail that is always new.

Then home, get her home, where the drunken rollers comb,
And the shouting seas drive by,
And the engines stamp and ring, and the wet bows reel and swing,
And the Southern Cross rides high!
Yes, the old lost stars wheel back, dear lass,
That blaze in the velvet blue.
They’re all old friends on the old trail, our own trail, the out trail,
They’re God’s own guides on the Long Trail — the trail that is always new.

Fly forward, O my heart, from the Foreland to the Start
We’re steaming all too slow,
And it’s twenty thousand mile to our little lazy isle
Where the trumpet-orchids blow!
You have heard the call of the off-shore wind
And the voice of the deep-sea rain;
You have heard the song-how long? how long?
Pull out on the trail again!

The Lord knows what we may find, dear lass,
And The Deuce knows we may do
But we’re back once more on the old trail, our own trail, the out trail,
We’re down, hull-down, on the Long Trail — the trail that is always new!

 

– Rudyard Kipling

http://www.aromaticcoffees.co.uk

a4

 

The Master – Cook

Posted on Updated on

With us there rade a Maister-Cook that came
From the Rochelle which is neere Angouleme.
Littel hee was, but rounder than a topp,
And his small berd hadde dipped in manie a soppe,
His honde was smoother than beseemeth mann’s,
And his discoorse was all of marzipans,
Of tripes of Caen, or Burdeux snailes swote,
And Seinte Menhoulde wher cooken pigges-foote.
To Thoulouse and to Bress and Carcasson
For pyes and fowles and chesnottes hadde hee wonne,
Of hammes of Thuringie colde hee prate,
And well hee knew what Princes hadde on plate
At Christmas-tide, from Artois to Gascogne.

Lordinges, quod hee, manne liveth nat alone
By bred, but meates rost and seethed, and broth,
And purchasable deinties, on mine othe.
Honey and hote gingere well liketh hee,
And whales-flesch mortred with spicerie.
For, lat be all how man denie or carpe,”
Him thries a daie his honger maketh sharpe,
And setteth him at boorde with hawkes eyne,
Snuffing what dish is set beforne to deyne,
Nor, till with meate he all–to fill to brim,
None other matter nowher mooveth him.
Lat holie Seintes sterve as bookes boast,
Most mannes soule is in his bellie most.
For, as man thinketh in his hearte is hee,
But, as hee eateth so his thought shall bee.
And Holie Fader’s self (with reveraunce)
Oweth to Cooke his port and his presaunce.
Wherebye it cometh past disputison
Cookes over alle men have dominion,
Which follow them as schippe her gouvernail.
Enoff of wordes-beginneth heere my tale:–

 

– Rudyard Kipling

http://www.aromaticcoffes.co.uk

a3

The Lowestoft Boat

Posted on Updated on

In Lowestoft a boat was laid,
Mark well what I do say!
And she was built for the herring-trade,
But she has gone a-rovin’, a-rovin’, a-rovin’,
The Lord knows where!

They gave her Government coal to burn,
And a Q.F. gun at bow and stern,
And sent her out a-rovin’, etc.

Her skipper was mate of a bucko ship
Which always killed one man per trip,
So he is used to rovin’, etc.

Her mate was skipper of a chapel in Wales,
And so he fights in topper and tails–
Religi-ous tho’ rovin’, etc.

Her engineer is fifty-eight,’
So he’s prepared to meet his fate,
Which ain’t unlikely rovin’, etc.

Her leading-stoker’s seventeen,
So he don’t know what the Judgments mean,
Unless he cops ’em rovin’, etc.

Her cook was chef in the Lost Dogs’ Home,
Mark well what I do say!
And I’m sorry for Fritz when they all come
A-rovin’, a-rovin’, a-roarin’ and a-rovin’,
Round the North Sea rovin’,
The Lord knows where!

 

– Rudyard Kipling

http://www.aromaticcofees.co.uk

a2

If You Can Keep Your Cheese – After Rudyard Kipling

Posted on Updated on

If you can keep your cheese while few about you
are holding onto theirs’, all envy ease.
If none can get your goat nor cow could doubt you
your scent which, heaven sent, can tell true Bries
from Gorgonzola, Parmesan without you
planning for house mouse contingencies,
or short supply where larder rats may scout to
grind, compromise the tasty rind most please.

If by a whisker Cheshire follows trout to
provide fit end for sweet delicacies,
or cheddar meat meal follows leaves no gout to
blur enjoyment, taste buds’ harmonies.
If desert heat no threat presents, no pout too
in winter’s cold where lizard’s blood would freeze,
If neither flood nor drought can mar, throughout you
may triumph over blue mould colonies.

If Gouda’s better found than ground down beef bones
on steroids stuffed before sure slaughterhouse,
if neither mice nor men may match your skin tones’
cream Camembert cosmetic all’d espouse,
if cheesed off envy shows you best of best in
excelling in intelligence and nous
with magic mental mastery myelin
enhanced by microbes EDAM MADE not scouse.

If all kowtow, if none would ever flout you
remembering to bow before ‘big cheese’…
if hole in one you score in club you clout to
take golden trophy – competition flees.
If all above’s accomplished taste devout, true,
while others fail to prove their expertise,
your’s is the world, which elsewhere’s up the spout, few
can make their time your rhyme’s real_I_tease!

IF – A Writers’ Guild Gild Guile Guide
If you can form and not make norms your master,
conformity, performance formal, flame.
If you inform, share, [fl]airing, flow far faster,
yet let not copyright bind tight to shame.
If you treat critic’s inconstructive blaster
with humour, beat him at his game’s lame claim,
take not to hea[r]t his tumour, bandage, plaster
half-heartedly, pretend [s]he never came.

If you can couple energy creative
well in advance of others in your field,
without confusing nominative, dative,
rei[g]n arguments through cogency revealed
in context, in a manner innovative,
code palimpsests from all but s[t]age concealed,
If trust in self is never compensative
reaction used when you refused to yield.

If you can link great ends with small beginnings,
and yet not brag, nor tag each copy sold,
If dialogue’s more vital than piled winnings,
to trim the quill where will won’t be short-sold,
If, ignorance ignored, your story’s spinnings
creates a pot no Potter has outsold,
yet you can fi[e]nd the flaw, to fresh beginnings
return to steer towards horizons bold.

If you can write without cash motivation,
self-righteousness avoiding like the plague,
create consensus round an innovation
embraced by all without appearing vague,
If you can span from logic to emotion
set constant course from vested interests clear,
If you can ban all untoward commotion,
while conscience clings to all that it holds dear,

If you can set the good within you flowing
without the itch to pitch beyond kitsch brink,
If you can give the nod and wink while knowing
that mental states aren’t always in the pink,
If you use inner kinks to keep on growing
without denying others’ right to think,
If you continue for tomorrow sowing
refusing using methods now that stink.

If you can lead lead soldiers Caxton crafted
without kowtow before cold compromise,
If neither editor nor public shafted
the output that your inner soul supplies,
If you can improvise, provide redrafted
communication keyed to catalyze,
you’ll find to your surprise that you have rafted
alone on conscious stream your just dream buys.

Writers’ Real Mirror Reflection Reel
With inside out, and out, surprised, inside,
When penning verse whose end may, too, begin it,
When rhyming reel with real can coincide
Your’s is the world and everything that’s in it.
If you can write without cash motivation,
Self-righteousness avoiding like the plague,
Create consensus round an innovation
Embraced by all without appearing vague.
If you can scan, span logic to emotion
Set constant course from vested interests clear,
If you can ban all untoward commotion,
While conscience clings to all that it holds dear,
If rhymes may improvise, spurn prose redrafted,
Communication key to catalyze,
You’ll find to your surprise that you have rafted
On stream it seems when wit reverse dream tries.

On stream it seems when wit reverse dream tries
You’ll find to your surprise that you have rafted
Communication key to catalyze.
If rhyme may improvise, spurn prose redrafted
While conscience clings to all that it holds dear,
If you can ban all untoward commotion,
Set constant course from vested interests clear.
If you can scan span logic to emotion
Embraced by all without appearing vague,
Create consensus round an innovation,
Self-righteousness avoiding like the plague,
If you can write without cash motivation,
Your’s is the world and everything that’s in it
When rhyming reel with real can coincide
When penning verse whose end may, too, begin it,
With inside out, and out, surprised, inside!

Cropped Apologies to Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your crops when all the nation
rails, vain assailing creepy crawly bugs,
If you can thrive when most lives’ reputation
is knocked for skittles, stumped by snails and slugs,
If you can sow, show though you stay surrounded
by failing harvests sere upon the stem,
where hopes unfounded, speculations grounded,
face farmers who through jealousy condemn.

If greenhouse gases can’t delay your planting,
with fallow Brussels’ edicts all ignored,
If CO² you compensate by chanting
an incantation to the heavens poured.
If snail trails slip upon your sensor networks,
if nano tech protects your fields’ high yield
which on the Futures markets harvests net perks
that from the tax collector stay concealed.

If you can fight Monsanto’s sterile sowing,
deny blight warnings, nor fear climate change,
if cash in hand exceeds debts most’s greed’s owing,
if you’re the early bird with worms in range,
If you free farm through seasons, thank your maker
from man’s pollution, safe solution find,
yours is the race, you, ace, may need pacemaker
for luck can turn, earn bridges burned behind.

Advice to an Applicant
If you can back your boss and keep on smiling,
while toning down his brash absurdities,
if, having watched the man manhandle filing,
you rearrange the folders pretty please,
if coy and charming, beautiful, beguiling,
anticipating all contingencies,
you manage new accounts, contacts redialling,
correct crass spelling, cover vagaries…

If you can keep your head while he’s resiling,
evolve successful counter-strategies,
if ‘mum’s the word’, discrete, ignoring tyling,
from busy-bodies safe when he agrees.
If you can spend your time in reconciling
his intellectual inanities,
never upset his fragile ego, heiling
whene’er he feels the need, or profits sneeze…

If Windows easy comes, while modem dialing
to DSL migration’s not a tease,
if firewall free from viruses hostiling
you clean can keep, recalling password keys,
if the above you show him recompiling
the data lost when he lacks expertise, –
yet know your place as cypher, never riling,
remembering to bow before ‘big cheese’…

If you can stand him publicly reviling
your good ideas, then claim them his with ease,
can watch while rival’s ruin he’s compiling
so coldly that a lizard’s blood would freeze.
If when betrayed by his ambitious wiling
you triumph through innate abilities,
ignoring basic scheming, baser guiling,
you seize the precious point he never sees! …

If you won’t blush when, rash, he’ll rush, exiling
your intuitions as freak fantasies,
but confidently while free-time he’s whiling,
circumvent his incapacities.
Surpassing him in brains, tact, versatiling,
you never strive to swap your salaries,
but both feet on the ground, still patient, smiling,
can counteract his incoherencies…

If you are sure his image needs restyling,
select the suits that suit down to the tees,
if you are ever ready camomiling,
or sprinkling sugar, creaming, coffee, teas,
if you can trick his wayward infantiling
and censure not his immaturities,
ignore his clumsy tries at fond defling,
yet fondled, tactful, rise from off his knees…

If you take three degrees while reconciling
your private life to further Ph.D.’s,
if you can children bear without work piling
and keep them free from trouble and disease,
if you can spring his quick promotion – vile thing –
and play the game of happy families…
Your’s is the job, the rest’s cosmetic styling,
Oh prized princess and pride of… secret’ries!

A l’assistante de l’Indirection
Si tu peux supporter de voir tes dossiers
démolis sans souffler mot et puis reclasser,
si tu sais appuyer partout ton PDG
sans sceptique rester quant à ses qualités…

Si tu souris, beauté, sans être emmerdante,
si vive mais jamais surprise, impatiente,
le soutenant quand des contresens fous l’enchantent,
ses lubies supporter sans paroles tranchantes…

Si tu sais sans délais t’adapter au progrès,
les autres anticiper, sans jamais hésiter,
bien le préparer avec de bons conseils,
des envieux protéger ton patron hébété…

Très expérimentée, mais sans prendre de l’age,
compréhensive aider avec ses rattrapages
sans pourtant mériter accéder aux voyages
‘d’études’ et aux congrès, – ces minables volages!

Si tu sais lui montrer se servir du clavier,
aux réseaux si primés vite se connecter,
de l’Internet cliquer sur l’intranet branché,
son PC débugger sans jamais se broncher…

Si sa peur du souris, du clic-clic, du mulot
tu peux sans interdits dépasser au boulot,
à ses flagrants délits trouver tout ce qu’il faut,
si tu ses buts poursuis en soufflant le bon mot…

Si tu sais compenser l’orthographe qu’il perd,
scanner, penser, noter, téléphoner, tout faire,
son planning programmer, sans être trop mémère,
le soutenir, si gaie, quand son coeur désespère…

Si tu peux accoucher à l’heure du dîner,
tes enfants élever tous en bonne santé,
ton patron remplacer – ronronnant au soleil –
sans pour autant rêver qu’on t’accorde sa paye.

Si tu sors d’H.E.C. sans prétendre à la gloire,
Sciences Po, c’est fait, sans en faire une histoire,
ou Enarque tu es, faisant dans ton pouvoir
le tout pour manier les re(i) nes du Pouvoir.

Lors mieux qu’homme d’affaires, ou chef de cabinet
mieux que tous ces experts si souvent égarés,
tu seras à tout faire une bonne rêvée,
mieux que mère, sacrée ASSISTANTE tu es!

If
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on’;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run –
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son!
Rudyard Kipling 1865_1936

Biff! The same father to the same son, now grown up.

If you can keep your job when all about you
Are losing theirs (by cutting down of screw) :
If you can keep yourself – for, make no doubt you
Won’t get allowance, just for you to blue.
If you can make a heap by all your winnings
Risked on outsiders backed at Kempton Park,
Don’t think that you will always get your innings
And kiss your boss’s daughter in the dark.

If you should risk promotion, aught should tempt ye,
Eyeing the safe when all the staff have gone,
And, jemmying it open, find it empty,
And hear the watchman growl to you, ‘Hold on! ‘
If you should fill the unforgiving ‘minutes’
With names of all the people you have ‘done, ‘
Yours is the gaol, and everything that’s in ti,
And, what is more, you’ll get six months, my son.
Rachel Ferguson Nymphs and Satires 1932

A London Sparrow’s IF
If you c’n keep alive when li’l bleeders
Come arter t’ wi’ catapults an’ stones;
If you c’n grow up unpertickler feeders,
An’ live on rugidge, crumbs, an’ ‘addock bones;
If you c’n nest up in the bloomin’ gutters,
An’ dodge the blinkin’ tabby on the tiles;
Nip under wheels an’ never git the flutters,
Wear brahn an’ no bright-coloured fevver-styles;
If you ain’t blown b’nippers (Cor, I’d skin ‘me!) :
Stop y’r shells nah, warm-like, under me;
Yous is the eggs an’ everyfink ‘at’s in ‘em –
An’ when they ‘atch, yor be cock-sparrers, see?
J A LINDON

If You can Keep Your Man
If You can Keep Your Man when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
Avert a break-up when he starts to doubt you,
Without behaving like a tart or shrew;

If you can bake a cake or change a nappy,
Although you’ve got a good Redbrick degree,
And yet can say you’re reasonably happy
When other graduate wives dropp in for tea;

If you can lose yourself in ‘To the Lighthouse’,
Yet, changing books, seek first the Thriller shelf,
If you can laugh at Mrs. Mary Whitehouse,
But sometimes wince at Wednesday Plays yourself;

If you stand up for Women’s Liberation,
Think sex equality long overdue,
Yet purr when men evince consideration
And in a bus or train stand up for you;

If you can be a protest march frequenter,
But sometimes think the marchers a bit queer,
Yet, spite of everything, stay left of centre,
Oh, well, who knows? You may be right, my dear.
Stanley Sharpless

If You Can Crush
If you can crush, when all your chums are cribbing,
The urge that beckons you to do the same;
Can keep your tongue from telling tales or fibbing,
And can, when others err, take all the blame.

If you can nurse a crush on dear Miss Withers,
Yet bully off with just one silent tear;
Be resolute when even Matron dithers,
And weld the House together with a cheer.

If you can foil the fiendish Russian spy-ring,
Who’ve ‘got a hold’ upon the Head (the swine!)
And by example selfless and inspiring,
Can make those ghastly Juniors toe the line.

If you while staying virgo quite intacta,
Can scoff at those who label you a prude;
And, when you leave, can know you’ve never slacked or
(Except to Ma’moiselle) been flip or rude.

If you can scale such pinnacles of virtue
And earn your teachers’ praises as ‘a brick’,
The truth, dear girl, (I do so hate to hurt you) –
The simple truth, dear Daphne, is you’re thick!
Martin Fagg

IF
If you can stand the Quest and all her antics
When all around you turn somersaults upon her deck;
And go aloft when no one has told you
And not fall down and break your blooming neck;

If you can work like Wild and also like Wuzzles
Spend a convivial night with some old bean,
And then come down and meet the Boss at breakfast
And never breathe a word of where you’ve been.

If you can fill the port and starboard bunkers
With fourteen tons of coal; and call it fun;
Yours is the ship and everything that’s in it
And you’re a marvel; not a man my son.
Ernest H Shackleton

 

– Jonathan Robin

http://www.aromaticcoffees.co.uk

Plate of Mixed Cheeses